Thursday, January 24, 2008

Confession time

You ready? Here we go. I am actually a cosmetologist. Well, ok... I went to beauty school a little over 10 years ago. I did become licensed and worked in the field. But I hated it. And the school was a rip off. All I learned how to do well is old ladies perms and styles.

The Real Confession: I messed up my hair last week. I put in a semi-permanent dye... a reddish color. It grabbed onto the front of my hair like a drowning man. And I hate it. I bounce from my natural blonde hair to red blonde... but I am in no mood to be a redhead right now.

Ever since then I've been trying and trying to correct this problem and my hair has only gotten redder, and brassier, in the process. I do have an idea of what I'm doing, and possibly doing wrong... but still. My hair is ridiculous! I've been wearing a baseball cap for one whole week now.

And I just feel so frustrated with the color of my hair. It's just awful. I'm going to make a stop at a professional beauty supply store after school. My last class lets out at 7:15 pm. I cannot wait. I'm so antsy. I don't mean to be so vain, but ... well ... hair is a self esteem issue.

My plan of attack is to get some demi-permanent hair color. I need a green toner and violet toner. Let's hope this works. My hair is just a mess. Better pick up some reconstructive conditioner while I'm at it. I'm sorry... but *sob*. I just want to look decent and normal again.

And while I'm at it, I'm going to confess another shallow thing. I'm also looking for a good facial tool. You know, those kinds that sort of do microdermabrasion? But I have sensitive skin so I have to find a really good gentle one, however one that doesn't cost an arm and a leg.

I must sound so shallow. But this is a self esteem issue as well. I do want to look the best I can. I have thinning hair thanks to hormonal imbalance, and I have a lot of weight I need to lose.
By the way, Ryan looks so young, he could easily pass for 16-18 yet he'll be 28 next month, AND because of our relationship demeanor (I'll explain in a minute), I have been mistaken for his mother 6 times. No lie. I'm only 2.78 years older! This has been a little hard to swallow when I already suffer from such a low self esteem.

The relationship demeanor is because I'm his caretaker. Because of his epilepsy and TBI, occasionally I have to be the "translator" for him. I'm not a super, overbearing, take-charge kind of person, but I have that "caretaker" vibe where I will speak out for and protect my loved ones. Mama Bear Syndrome.